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The Grim Reaper

Northwest Limited [Open RP]

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Welcome to Northwest Limited!


Northwest Limited is the region's foremost investment opportunity and top employer [pg 2, September 2014 issue of the Northwest Limited Local Inquirer]. As an employee at our head office, you have a unique opportunity to shape the future of this company as we march onward into the future, marrying old-fashioned, local values with expansion and our great brand.


As you know, this is the Northwest 'Electronic Mail' for Events, Services, and Invitations System, called 'NEMS' (Northwest E-Mail System), for short. A cutting edge piece of software, it allows you to instantly send a message to any other employee you wish, in the following format:


Sender: Your name is displayed here.

Recipient: The recipients' names are displayed here, separated by ';' - semicolons. You may also address an e-mail to a whole department ('Legal Department'), or to all staff ('All Staff').

Subject: The subject of your message should be brief and discuss the topic of your contents. If replying to someone, you should use their subject, prefixed by "RE:", which means "reply".

Contents: Your message goes here.


As you can see, it is a simple and efficient system. We hope to see you making good use of it, as it has been implemented only recently. We hope that employees are quick to adopt it, given the many advantages of use documented in many other companies for the past decade or so.





OOC:


Rules


1. While office stereotypes and a degree of absurdity are encouraged, please remember that this is collaborative, undirected storytelling and events described should remain within normally plausible real-world limits unless otherwise granted permission by a thread OP (Myself - the Grim Reaper, and Astarial).


2. Participants should, to start, stick to a single persona only in order to encourage depth and character development, though there is complete freedom to invent and refer to other employees who are not player characters. In keeping with the idea of collaborative storytelling, NPCs should be treated as plausible individuals with collaboratively developed personas. As the thread grows, OPs may grant additional characters at their discretion.

Edited by The Grim Reaper

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Sender: Jen Fields

Recipient: All Staff

Subject: Break Room


Hi everyone! Wow, this is a great system, isn't it? Two things to discuss:


1) This is a shared space, and WE DO NOT HAVE A DISHWASHING STAFF! When you leave dirty dishes in the sink, they sit there for days! This is super gross and disgusting, so STOP IT. Wash your dishes when you're done with them, and put them away. If people cannot behave like adults we will be forced to implement a dishwashing roster.


2) Whoever is defacing the signs I have been putting up in the break room, please stop it! They are for important informational purposes, and your crude drawings do not belong there!


Thanks and have a great day!


Jen Fields

Office Manager

Edited by Astarial
  • Like 1

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Jen Fields

Subject: Break Room


I wouldn't know anything about the break room since somebody won't approve my efficiency model. Instead I'm stuck in my office using the model that QA developed in 1987. Maybe I can take a break and enjoy a TAB sometime after sunset. I'll be on the lookout for those nefarious vandals, though.


---

Jack Butler

Head of Research and Development

Edited by Zeorus

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Sender: Richard Abercrombie

Recipient: Security Department

Subject: FWD: Break Room


Look, kids. I know it was one of you patrol grunts who's been messing around with Jen's posters in the break room. Our cameras might be surplus Soviet stock, but they're not grainy enough to hide your patrol uniforms.


Whoever's doing it, knock it off. We can't afford the stationery to draw all over them. Accounting already hates our guts for that time Bill got drunk and tried to get Sarah to buy us a company car by threatening to have her desk moved to outside the men's bathroom because of a 'bomb scare'.


We don't need them hassling us for even more forms written in the 80s by a monkey with a typewriter.


Just pull the posters down and recycle them like everyone else does. Costs less.


Richard Abercrombie

Emergency Response Coordinator

Head of Security

Edited by The Grim Reaper

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Legal Department

Subject: Project 36 Beta Testing

Hey all, needing your help with Project 36. The control trials of the prototype were the most successful I've seen since I took over R/D. I think we're ready to start beta testing. I just need some release forms drawn up to ensure that we take no liability - we have a pretty good idea of how things will go for the testers but I'm not interested in dealing with the same clusterfuck Project 21 turned into if one of them decides to get creative with the rules.

On a side note, I'd like this process to go as smoothly and quietly as possible - it'd be nice if Jen and Richard didn't ask too many questions about this project.

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

Edited by Zeorus

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Sender: Jen Fields
Recipient: Jack Butler
Subject: RE: RE: Break Room

Hi Jack! While I appreciate you reaching out to me, I'm afraid I'm not really the right person to be talking to. You might have meant to send that email to Nick, over in Acquisitions and Approvals, or maybe to Mary in Human Resources?

The break room doesn't currently stock Tab, but if you fill out a Refreshment Request form and leave it on my desk, I can run the numbers and see about adding it to our standard order list.

Jen Fields

Office Manager

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Sender: Jen Fields

Recipient: All Staff

Subject: RE: Break Room

To the jokester who left their dirty dishes next to the sink and drew a smiley face on them with dish soap, ha ha very funny. Please have it cleaned up by the end of business today.

Also if anybody has seen where my new signs have wandered off to, please let me know!

Jen Fields

Office Manager

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Richard Abercrombie

Subject: The new consultant in Marketing

She's cute. I know she's your type. Just leave her alone, ok? I saw the way you were looking at her. You've fucked things up for me with Mary in HR and Sarah in Accounting. Now even that old hag in Archives ignores me. I felt a spark with this new girl - let me see what happens for once instead of destroying it.

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

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Sender: Richard Abercrombie

Recipient: Jen Fields (BCC: Security Department)

Subject: RE: RE: Break Room

Hey Jen, it's Richard Abercrombie from Security.

FYI, we think that it might be someone from Accounting, but we're not sure. I've got a guy doing a report on the whole thing, as it seems to be a blind spot in the office security system - reckons it might be a repeat offender. You know what the culture in Accounting's like.

We're thinking that we might need to start restricting access to the break room for Accounting employees until we've installed a new camera with better resolution, or at the very least have a Security guy rostered onto the break room at all times.

It'll be your posters first, but something really important in future - lots of fire hazards there, lots of foodstuffs.

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Jen Fields

Subject: Re: Re: Break Room

I recently patented something that might help with your wandering signs. Give this a try:

154550.jpg

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

Edited by Zeorus

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Sender: Richard Abercrombie

Recipient: Jack Butler

Subject: RE: Mrs Butler

Hah - you couldn't even manage Sarah. What makes you think you'll get anywhere near Marketing without her calling for Security?

Might have to move her desk to my end of the office, for her own safety and all.

Hey, by the way, I was considering asking Mary to help me out with an OH&S check. Might need to ask her to interview you - after-hours perhaps. Been a loooongg time since you two were on speaking terms.

But I'm always happy to help.

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Richard Abercrombie

Subject: Re: Re: Mrs Butler

"Mrs Butler". Funny.

You leave Mary out of this. I don't mind quite as much if you make remarks about Sarah but you do not get to joke about a divorce that was your fault.

I'm not going to let you ruin my last shot at happiness.....Rick.

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

Edited by Zeorus

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Al Robinson

Subject: Project 36

I just heard back from Legal, they're going to do what they can to make the beta transition go smoothly. Ideally, Jen won't ask too many questions considering the success of the control trials. We can't afford to deal with her lecture about "responsibility to the consumers".

I need you to do what you can to prevent the details of Project 36 from leaking to the rank-and-file R/D people. This has top priority right now. Nobody that hasn't already worked on the project is to know more about it than they need to. Their ethical concerns are naive bullshit that I have no time for.

Keep up the good work.

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

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Sender: Jen Fields

Recipient: Jack Butler

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Break Room

Hi Jack! I gave your suggestion a try, but there seem to be some bugs with the platform. All my signs disappeared again, and I found this on the floor:

Attachment [21 kb]

expensivetool.jpg

Jen Fields

Office Manager

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Sender: Jen Fields
Recipient: Richard Abercrombie
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Break Room

Hi Richard! Thank you for letting me know. I'll definitely get in contact with the Accounting folks to scold them personally. I'd love to read that report when it's finished.

I'd rather not go around cutting break room privileges without proof, but I think stationing someone from Security in there is a great plan! And that way we can get eyes on who's still leaving dirty dishes in the sink AND who's taking down my signs!

Just so you know, the process to requisition new security hardware have been updated recently. Form 106(a) has had a new section on liability added, and they've added a 106© to deal with autonomous installations. Definitely don't want a repeat of what happened last year on the sixth floor!

Jen Fields

Office Manager

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Sender: Richard Abercrombie

Recipient: Jen Fields (BCC: Security Department Managers)

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Break Room

No problem, I'll have someone write up a roster this very moment. : )

The changes to Form 106 a and c are noted - they'll be very useful, I'm sure. We've had a chat with Accounting about the Incident, and based on our own records we don't think it'll happen again. Although, you know what Accounting are like - having a few issues following up with their copies.

We'll need a copy of Form 106 a - we might pass on Form 106 c for the moment, until Accounting catches up with us.

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

Sender: Richard Abercrombie

Recipient: Security Department Managers

Subject: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: Break Room

Yo, two pieces of info from the forwarded letter.

1) I need senior management to start doing daily rosters of Break Room Duty. Cushy job - we remind Jen she authorized it when we start looking for more hands on deck, and whoever's on Break Room duty spends half the time doing my paperwork and the other half doing whatever they want. BYO Device. Until Jen cottons on, Break Room Duty will be an all-day job, from opening to closing. Shift changes at lunch hour.

2) Changes to Form 106 a and a new Form 106 c. Senior managers take note of the change to Form 106 a - I need someone to volunteer to send in a copy of the old one to Legal and see if they go through with it. We'll need to play it safe until someone from our Department can strong-arm one of the Legal interns into going over the forms for loopholes. We won't be using Form 106 c until I know what it is - can someone explain what autonomous installation is? Sounds like outsourcing - do not acknowledge it exists AT ANY COST.

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security
Edited by The Grim Reaper

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Sender: Fred Matthews, Human Resources.

Recipient: 'All Staff'

Subject: Cubicles are not for Hide and Seek.

Contents: Dear Staff,


Please be aware that following an accident to the Head of the Accounting department in a game of hide and seek gone awry (they tried to hide on the roof and got stuck) we will no longer be allowing employees to "exercise their creative curiosity" by hiding in various tight spaces (often two at a time) in the name of work.


Furthermore, whoever decided that my office needed to be labelled the "closet of doom" will be having their pay docked! I do not come to work to put up with this! I have a husband to give me this sort of hell!


Regards,


Fred

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Sender: Richard Abercrombie

Recipient: Jen Fields; Fred Matthews (BCC: Security Department Managers; Archives Department Managers)

Subject: RE: Cubicles are not for Hide and Seek

Fred, noted. I'll reiterate the message with my staff in Security and note that the roof is off-bounds without a valid work-permit or patrol access.

Unfortunately, we won't be able to extend patrols to the roof unless it remains a danger, given that we are already being overextended by Jen's break room duty. We still have the manpower for spot-checks, but patrols will have to be a low priority.

We might be able to take up patrols later, after "OH&S season". We have a backlog of routine health and safety interviews to conduct this year, thanks to the trouble we've had procuring the necessary records from Archives - something about a wave of badly filed accounts and tax-related reports.

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Jen Fields

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Break Room

Try this. My assistant Al (I think you may remember him from the Christmas party) recently came up with it.

Attachment:
FrameMyTV1025.jpg

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

Edited by Zeorus

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Sender: Fred Matthews, Human Resources

Recipient: Richard Abercrombie; 'Security Team'

Subject: RE:RE: Cubicles are not for Hide and Seek

Many thanks Richard. Can you also check the larger supply cupboards on the second and third floors? I'm told that staff are having "private parties" in them whilst trying to cover them as "break room time". Slap any violators with form 81a and S19b before sending them up to me for a talk on "discretion", in the "closet of doom" (still trying to figure out who put that sign on the door!).

Thanks and good work, remember to put in for your bonuses by the end of the month if you want them by Christmas!

-FM

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Al Robinson

Subject: "Closet of doom"

Nice going, Al. I recognize your handwriting. You never could get a lower-case e quite right.

Quit fucking around and act professional. Getting Fred upset like this is just going to put all of our projects in jeopardy (not just 36). I won't stay silent next time - Larry would also make a fine assistant.

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

  • Like 1

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Sender: Katharine Beals

Recipient: 'All Staff'

Subject: Cake


There is cake in the Break Room for everyone in on staff: carrot with cream cheese icing. Due to the fact that if I bring a piece of cake for lunch it mysteriously "disappears" long before my lunch hour, I decided that the best solution was to provide cake for all.


- Kat


---

Katharine Beals

Marketing

Edited by The Grim Reaper
clearing white background

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Sender: Jack Butler

Recipient: Richard Abercrombie

Subject: Her desk

Where the hell did you put her? She agreed to meet me for lunch today but I couldn't find her. Her desk mysteriously disappeared from the position it was in this morning.

Why do you insist on making me miserable?

---

Jack Butler

Head of Research & Development

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Sender: Stewart Johnson

Recipient: 'All Staff'

Subject: Bug Reports and 'Reply All'

Staff members:

Please be aware that "bug reports" should be filed on computer crashes and other software glitches. For literal infestations of ants, please contact Pest Control.

Also, be aware that if you are only responding to one person, the 'Reply All' button is not the button you are looking for. We get enough NEMS communication passing through our inboxes and servers.

Thanks for your attention to these matters,

Stewart Johnson, TIA, MCSE, MCP, MCSD, RHCE, RHCT, CCNA, CISA, CISSP, MCDST, MOS, CCA, CCEA, MCT, MOUS, CNS, MCTS, MCPD, CCNP, MCNE, RHCA, IDK, DGAF, CCIA, BBQ, WTF, LOL

Director of Information Technology

E: [email protected]

Ext: 4140

Edited by Severisen
removed white background

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Sender: Richard Abercrombie
Recipient: Jack Butler
Subject: RE: Her desk

Ok, that one wasn't me. I only found out about that one when you did - turns out one of Maintenance's guys forgot to report routine maintenance. She's been temporarily moved to some overflow cubicles while Maintenance handles the electrical situation - I think she's next to Katherine Beal. Take that one up with Marketing.

But she wasn't at lunch because the break room was closed for a bit - she had to attend a security interview after my guy in there noted "irreparable damage" to a poster. He crossed a line there, though. I'll have a chat with both of them alone, make sure everything's above-board in future. ; )

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

Sender: Richard Abercrombie
Recipient: All Staff
Subject: RE: Bug Reports and 'Reply All'

Hey Stewart, long time no see.

BTW, my computer needs a routine anti-virus scan. Can you take care of that?

Also, you left some personal effects in my desk the last time you were here - I've saved them in a brown paper bag, I know they're the sort of thing you'd rather keep private. They're in the top-left desk drawer, and I've switched the padlock with a #109 - same key as your office.

Wouldn't want anyone else seeing them, right?

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

Sender: Richard Abercrombie
Recipient: Katherine Beal
Subject: RE: Cake

Hey Katherine - nice to see someone stepping up and taking one for the team.

In future though, can you specifically save a piece for the Security employee in the Break Room? We need one to be brought to my office in case there are any OH&S complaints - I need to know what's in them and all, make sure it looks firm and not undercooked. And it would be awfully nice of you to save another for the poor guy - half-day shifts in that Break Room doing paperwork and memorizing everyone who comes in, a hard job.

It's worth it to keep Jen happy, though, right? : )

On a similar note, thanks for helping Security with finding a good place for the Project 21 Marketing Team. A lot of them are new, and I'm sure they'd appreciate you showing them the ropes - the brand new consultant, for instance. Could you do me a favour? Everyone's so busy, I'm not sure she's gotten the full spiel. If you show her around, I'll take a note of it - I think I might be able to have your desk moved closer to the door? Your current place is getting terribly crowded.

Hell, I'll take you both out to dinner sometime. My treat. Anything for someone who's putting in the hard yards to make Security's job easier.

Richard Abercrombie
Emergency Response Coordinator
Head of Security

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