View from Below: TP's Invasion of Underwater Rifts
) Photo of Underwater Rifts before the invasion (left) and after (right)
1 June, 2008
A little over a week ago The Pacific Army invaded the sparsely populated region of Underwater Rifts. Since then the countryside has been ravaged by war. Every village has been torched. The houses have been raped and the women have been pillaged. It's truly horrifying in a Jack Nicholson sort of way.
Many villagers have refused to leave the ash-covered grounds that were once their homes. Since their crops have been torched, they have only tins of spam to eat. Most, however, packed what they had left and moved to several refugee camps situated along the border.
I ran into one aid worker. The chaos and war didn't seem to affect his happy and tropical disposition. His name tag read Kool Aid Man. He was quenching the thirsts of the refugees with his fruity insides, but I managed to ask him a few questions.
"Mr. Kool Aid Man, have many people perished?"
He looked at me with his deep, dark eyes before he said,"OH YEAH!"
"Do you expect things to get worse before they get better?"
"Do you have anything you'd like to say about the invasion or calls for peace?"
He struggled to answer this question, but after a long pause he replied, "....OH YEAH!"
The invasion hasn't been easy on the people, especially since the defender forces have been bombing themselves. No place has been hit harder than the town of Mi Tai. Earlier this week it was a battlefield between the Pacific Army and the Natives. The town changed hands many times and was passed around like a $10.00 hooker. The only difference is that in war there are no condoms and death is the only STD.
Will the madness ever end?
--Written by New Kervoskia
Editor of The Trans-Pacific Times - All the Scandal That's Fit to Print!
Copyright 2008, The Trans-Pacific Times. All rights reserved
Note that all of this is fabricated and not based on (much) fact
This post has been edited by New Kervoskia: Jun 2 2008, 01:17 AM